1st widows retreat

What an amazing time I had at the retreat. I didn't think I needed that retreat until I was there but let me start from the beginning.
I was widowed at 21 years old. That's young and I'm very much aware of that so please don't remind me. That being said I tried therapy, other counseling and nothing worked. So I gave up. I didn't look up any other support because so many have failed I just didn't see the point in keep trying. Years passed and I never felt normal again even though I had friends and family to talk to no one could ever really relate because they were never in the same situation and don't get me wrong I love them for always being there for me but something was missing.
The 1st day driving to the hotel I was so nervous I thought I would pass out or throw up. Those were my options lol but I didn't do either and nervously walked through the door to the hotel, checked in , and got my welcome bag and up to my room I went. I was informed my room mate would be coming in late which gave me some time to calm down in my room before I did something that made me more uncomfortable than anything...I decided to go socialize. For those who know me know that this is a huge step for me because I have really bad social anxiety and again was so nervous that I do or say something to embarrass myself. So at first I walked around the hotel just to explore where I was at. We had access to the beach right by the pool so I walked over and checked it out the whole time thinking that if all else fails at least I'll be near a beach, my safety zone.  After about 20 min of walking around talking to my sister and mother who both told me to not be so nervous and to go find someone to talk to. On the elevator I ran into some women from the retreat who invited me to dinner. So now working myself out of my comfort zone I engaged in conversations and even decided to go hang out with the girls as they went out for drinks and swimming in the pool.
     The second day we went to the airboat ride and I spent more time with these women and met more of them and got to know them. But after we got back we decided to go to the beach and hangout. After two days with these women sharing our stories and experiences it wasn't until I was laying out on the beach chair relaxing that I realized how relaxed I actually was. It was like the world had been lifted off my shoulders and I could breath again. Now I always try to remain positive but after Jerry died I didn't know what to think or feel so I put on a face that wouldn't make people worried. Now this isn't saying I was always depressed and meh but I never really felt relaxed...I never felt normal until that moment when the warm sun was shining down on my face and my mouth turned into a huge grin.
  After that moment I went out and partied some talked more and realized I didn't want to leave.
    I am so grateful I got this experience and look forward to keeping in touch with the wonderful women I met  and hopefully many more retreats :)