Im Trying

I'm trying. I use that phrase quite often. "Hey be happy" I'm trying. "Hey just do your best" I'm trying. I am tired, I am unsure, I am insecure, i am overworked and overwhelmed, I overthink ,overreact and break down. I am trying my best to be the best fucking me I can be. I am trying to motivate others to do the same. I am tired. At work I try to be the most helpful, to be the one who motivates others to be kind and help,but I'm also over everyone's shit. I have enough going on to worry about the drama there. Half the time I hear my name and I just ignore it  I dont even care anymore. If people hate me then so be it. No one asks "hey how are you" it's always "hey did you hear about this one or that one"...no and I dont care unless their in some kind of dire aid then I really dont give a shit. I am a friend to vent to but not someone who will listen to you bash someone else who's standing 5 feet away  just because you feel like it or dont like them. I dont like a lot of people but you'd never know because like a fucking adult I treat everyone with respect. You ask me to help you...sure. you want me to grab something for you...yea no problem. It doesn't matter if I like you or not I get paid to do my job. That's it. I am guilty of shit talking hell fucking yea I am. Show me one person who doesnt shit talk and I'll show you a liar. The difference is I know when and where to vent.  Sorry went off on a tangent there. Anyway my point is...I am broken...I am tired....i am almost over it....but I am not giving up either. Yea I wanna quit but that just isnt in the cards for me.  I'm gonna keep trucking on this gravy train of depression and anxiety until it can't go anymore. 💜