Today is October 13th. I hate this day. I hate this day more than any other day in the entire year. Today is the day he left. I know he didnt choose to leave, he was killed, he had no control over that but today is the day it stopped being RaiAnne and Jerry and just started being RaiAnne. Today is the day I had to learn how to begin to live without you. I miss you Jerry like no one can understand. I wonder to myself all the time (despite what people say) If you knew how much I loved you, I wonder that when you died did you know in your heart that I loved you unconditionally. That despite all my fuck ups that I loved you more than anything on this earth. I hope you knew. I miss you more than words can express. I dont just mourn your death, I mourn the life we never got to have. I mourn the children we dreamt of raising, the anniversaries and birthdays we would never get to spend together. Thats why I hate today. But I am going to do my best to hold it together. I saw another widow a few weeks ago on facebook have a widow bucket list. It was her wedding anniversary and she wanted to do somethings. One was eat a particular pie, drink copious amounts of tequila, etc. So I am creating my own. It is my widow fuck it list:
1. Visit Jer Check
2.Eat something Jer would want to eat
3.Get a tattoo
4.Buy myself something nice
5. Allow myself time to cry
So heres to my widow fuck it list. I miss you Jerry and love you more than words. Until we meet again babe. Thank you for always watching over me.
Saw a rainbow after I left the cemetery
Our first Halloween together. Our favorite holiday
