Let me start from the beginning. I was introduced to this retreat by a fellow widow who much like myself loves relaxing and doing outdoorsy type stuff, I like water things more than her but since she knows me she was like you need to go. I had been a little hesitant because P is only 4 months old and I was like "Damn am I a bad mom?" Then my lovely boyfriend reminded me that I am a total lunatic if I don't get my much needed widow time in. The retreats are designed to connect us and give us a break and a calm place to talk about our journeys without someone giving us the "OMG you're a widow stare" (Widow stare is a much more uncomfortable 'deer in the headlights' look). So i signed up and hoped that I would be accepted. Eventually I got the email I was going, got super excited and then found out I would not know anyone on this retreat. I like to call this my "oh shit" moment. So I usually know at least 1 other widow seeing as the more retreats you go to the more you see people again. Well not this time. *Que social anxiety. So I tried to ignore it and thought to myself well if they don't like you at least you can go buy wine, Wine loves you. ( I promise I am not an alcoholic...just seems that way..she says drinking her Mikes Hard lemonade). As the day grew closer the more anxious I got. "What if they're just flying you up there to kidnap you?" "What the hell is there to do in Minnesota?" "What if it turns into a horror movie setting....you'll be in the middle of nowhere on a lake...girl you have watched enough horror movies to know what happens next"...yea that is kind of how my brain works. But I ignored it and packed my bags.
Day 1 (after almost missing both flights and having 1 panic attack) we arrive in an airport no bigger than a Walgreen's...I'm not kidding...Ok maybe two Walgreen's put together. As I am getting off the plane I hear "Oh you have a TAPS bag, you must be the other widow" Correct you are, I think as I meet the eyes of the ladies sitting across from me. My first thought "sweet I'm not the only one with tattoos". We do the usual meet and greets and head downtown to do some shopping and get some food while we wait for the others to arrive. We end up in downtown Fargo and let me say downtown Fargo has more bars in a small area then I've ever seen and I've been to Miami. So I taste the local apple cider ale, pretty yummy, then we move on to explore. About 100 feet down the street we run into a overly excited lady who stops us in our tracks (She was a meter maid...meter officer..meter whatever they're called now) and asks us if we know where we're going. We say just exploring and she runs and gets us a map. Sweet lady, weird experience since she practically yelled at us to stop but overall not bad. She gave us a brief history lesson and allowed us to move on our merry way. Fun fact the only places to get cool souvenirs in Fargo is A) the airport and B) Wal-mart. That fun fact is free ladies and gents, the next one will cost you. So after we pick up the other ladies we headed back to the Cabin and I about fainted, like I said its like 8000 square feet of amazingness. They gave us tour, we did our introductions and they gave us the rest of the night to unwind and get to know each other. I sat by the fire and relaxed talked with some of the ladies and then went to bed.
Day 2 was spent doing paddle board yoga and then we had some fun at a different cabin. It was the Mother of the founder of the retreat. They had a boat, jet ski, paddle boards, other water sport stuff and free beer. So I had a fun day of water stuff plus day drinking and then some neat conversations. You will not starve if you are ever to go to this retreat. I don't think I have ever eaten that much food and I am from an Italian family. But it was a lovely day and I had a blast.
After day 2 my days blended together, but we had a lovely dinner at a restaurant names Spanky's....It wasn't like you're thinking trust me I was thinking the same thing, it was pretty damn good food and I was rocking my outfit.
like look at that.Need I say more. And for those who actually know me, no I didn't fall. We had some very nice volunteers at the retreat who helped me in and out of the van. I took advantage of the fact that I was out and about. I never go out to where I need to dress up, I got some weird looks from the natives but its all good at least I gave them something to talk about. While at dinner the musician that was there played Piano Man which of course we all had to sing....loudly. Apparently we attracted the attention from a very drunk couple who asked if if we were celebrating a divorce. After telling him no, an awkward pause and praying they would scatter away to continue their drunk shenanigans elsewhere, we decided our new toast was "Cheers to not being divorced"-Widow Humor.
A couple of glasses of wine, great food and a few inappropriate jokes about balls and our evening was coming to an end. After that we did some shopping and then I decided I was going to go for a walk on one of the little trails they have. First of all I learned that flys that bite absolutely love me a lot more than I love them....damn flys, second of all I apparently have learned nothing from horror movies because I went for a walk in the woods, in an unknown area, with my headphones, ALONE. In all fairness I did let people know where I was going "in case I don't come back" which they thought was funny. As I am walking (again with my headphones in) my thoughts went from "Wow nature is so pretty" to "Someone could totally be stalking me right now and I wouldn't even hear them because I am a dumbass and have my headphones in" and I know what you're thinking "Surely Rai you aren't that dumb" well you know I love to prove people wrong..here's proof
Here's me...in the middle of nowhere with my headphones in, trying to take a photo with this weed thing I cant remember the name of trying to look cute. Yup proof of my stupidity. Either sarcasm or trying to be cute will kill me one day that's for sure.
I connected with a few ladies towards the end of the retreat which was nice, they're all awesome but its hard for me sometimes. But overall everyone was pretty awesome. There was also a lady who volunteered who taught us a healing through writing course which of course like a dumb dumb I missed, but I did have the opportunity to talk to her after our Sunday night dinner (she gave me an extra workbook to help my writing). I told her about my blog and ultimately about my dream of creating a book for widows by widows, a collection of stories whether they be funny or sad, etc., but it could be a reminder that you're not alone. Well she loved the idea and wants to make it happen which is amazing because I never thought the idea would gain traction. Not only is she interested but the founder of the retreat wants to join in the adventure as well. LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? What an amazing opportunity and I hope that it turns out the way I want to. Here's to hoping <3
All the ladies with our wire art that they got for us. Mine said Peace :) I love it
R.Riveter company which is a company made up entirely of military spouses make these wonderful handbags- check them out, they were on sharktank and their handbags are amazing
Dinner with everyone plus the owner of the restaurant 
Me being dumb
Widow Sisters
The lake- Spent almost every morning down there drinking my coffee and talking with a few of the ladies.
Paddle board. My new favorite Hobby. 
Thank you Holbrook Farms for giving me the weekend of my dreams. I will be back thats a promise.
Thank you for reading and of course any questions are welcomed. If you are a military widow and would like to be a part of my collection of stories please feel free to email them to me so we can get this started. raiannesancho@gmail.com LETS KICK THIS PIG! not literally..i love piggies.
