Memorial day thoughts

 Its been about a week since Memorial day and as many of you know I was interviewed by our local newspaper Florida Today. The first memorial day after Jerry passed away was 2012, it was crazy that 4 years later I get a call from the same reporter and the same photographer who wanted to interview me just to see how I was doing and my thoughts on the upcoming memorial day weekend, what it means to me and stuff.  The first picture is me in 2012 visiting Jerry (by Tim Short)  and the second is me this year (taken on my phone). If you ever see sunflowers at his headstone it means I was there, they are my favorite flowers and he used to buy them for me all the time.

 
  this is a picture I sent to one of my Aunts who wanted to see the paper. My first stop was at a 7-11 near my house and I think I bought all but 1 of their papers. When I went to cash out the girl noticed my tattoo and then noticed the picture on the paper and goes "Umm....Is...Is that you??" It was kinda funny. I was like yea thats me and she asked if she could look at the paper really quick and I was like yea sure I have no where to be I'm just going around and buying papers so I can scrapbook them later.
 It was nice to see the photographer and reporter again. They are both wonderful people and so nice and respectful. There is a short video they posted online, my parents were proud of it even though I made my mom cry (Sorry mom lol ). But memorial day isn't just another day for me anymore. My life has changed and so has my perspective on the day. I always knew and respected the day but never gave it the serious deep thought that the day deserved and I apologize for that. Now I have a deeper respect, the reality hits home and its much easier to imagine what the families of those men and women go through when they lose their loved one because I have. I understand the ultimate sacrifice, I live with the effects everyday of my life. I miss Jerry everyday and everyday I think about him and how much happiness he brought into my life and this world...even if he was an ass sometimes. But he was my pain in the ass and I wouldn't trade that for anything. And if you are thinking to yourself "Wow that's really messed up of her to say about her dead husband" well than you didn't know him because Jerry would never wanted to be remembered for anything other than what he was. If you ever listened to him play Call of Duty you'd understand. :)
   It's not easy talking to the newspaper. Reliving what I went through in the beginning. Thinking about all the things he's missing because he isn't here, but it isn't all bad. I do laugh when I talk about something stupid he used to do or how we got our first XBOX, the face he made when we found Zoo our cat and things like that. I like to talk about him to keep his memory alive, he may not be here but telling his stories and helping people the way he used to helps me to remember him. When people ask "why" I just tell them it's what he would have wanted or it's what he would have done.
 So even if memorial day for you isn't as meaningful as it is to someone else's family,take a moment of silence, have a beer or a shot, hug your loved ones for just a minute longer because there are some of us who can't and would give anything to do it again. Jerry's favorite was Jager but it will be a cold day in hell before I drink anymore of that lol sorry babe, but I will have a beer for you.