Holidays and other things

The time is coming. The time that all surviving families and friends dread... the holidays. I am not saying that I am a Grinch, but hey when you see everyone so in love and spending time with their husbands who are home (and alive) it is a harsh reminder of what you don't have. I also dread this time because on Facebook and Youtube there will be an influx of "coming home" videos. I love coming home videos and I ugly cry at every single one (double ugly cry if it involves animals). I guess what I am trying to say is don't forget to invite the surviving families out to events you're hosting, invite the Mom and the wife for a drink, don't forget that this time, whether they know it themselves or not, is a really shitty time of year and the last thing they need is to feel like even more of an outcast. With that being said lets do some recapping of the last few months shall we.
First things first, halloween was pretty awesome. It was Peas first and it came with a lot of mixed emotions. Happy because I love Halloween and sad because shell never have a first one again.

 here she is visiting her first pumpkin patch

 second pumpkin patch

trick or treating with her cousin

 Here is her 8 months picture that I love. Her check up is in a week or so and although weve pretty much been told her noodle is fine I still get very worried. One day I was talking with a co worker about everything and I broke down. With my depression it gets very hard sometimes but I never allow myself to cry and I know I should. Anyway I broke down to her and she told me something I will never forget. "She has one hell of a guardian angel." Those words have stuck with me ever since. I know Jerry is watching over me and her. He would have loved her. The daughter he always wanted. It breaks my heart that I was never able to give that to him but we were so young and we watched so many other military couples fail after having a child and I didnt want that for us. It is one of my biggest regrets. But sometimes I will say to her "tell him hello for me and that I miss him. Tell him thank you for keeping you safe." Being a widow sucks. Being anyone who lost someone really close sucks. 

Work has been good lately, always a little crazy and a little irritating but usually good. A lot of changes are happening and I am excited and interested in seeing where it goes. There is still some resentment about me becoming a tech but I dont say anything I just let them deal with their issues and try to give good constructive criticism when asked. 

Bro is coaching cocoa beach high wrestling again this season and he loves it just like last year. This year you can tell hes a little more comfortable which is good because I know  how important it is to him. When he isnt coaching he is watching Athena so I can work and do school. Hes truly an amazing man. I know some people think it is strange to love my husband and Bro at the same time but like I have mentioned before it is like I am two separate people. One that was with Jerry and the one thats with Bro. I do my best to not compare the relationships and Bro is always super respectful of what Jerry and I had. He drove me to meritt island to the new (maybe not new but new to me) Veterans Memorial. There is a section dedicated to those who lost their lives in Operation Enduring Freedom and the other tours but Jerrys name was there and it is always bitter sweet. Im glad that he is being remember I just wish he was never gone. 

Thank you everyone who takes the time to read these I know theyve kind of been more on my depressive side lately but I am working on it. One day at a time. A big thank you to my amazing family for my early christmas present and my friends for always being there for me and making me laugh.