#motherhood and other wonderful things

 So my little peanut is going to be 2 months old tomorrow. I cant believe how much she has grown in this short amount of time. And yes I know "Enjoy it now because it will go by quickly....If I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me I'd be rich...that and "Are you sure you want eat all that?" Yes, yes I'm sure. #bodybyjunkfood. But back to my main point, my little girl is getting big and I am in turn feeling better about being a mom. I am still nervous (there is plenty of time to mess her up psychologically) but getting more confident as the days go on. This morning we had a very loving mother daughter moment. Let me set the scene here.... So we were sitting on the couch and I was feeding her, her bottle shes smiling and I am thinking to myself, "Man I made one awesome baby....look how cute she is....full of smiles." would you like to know what else she was full of.....SHIT...SHE SHIT ON ME WITH A SMILE ON HER FACE. I have never felt so betrayed. All I felt was hot ass liquid running down my side. Damn baby is lucky shes cute. But anywayy when I work all day I do miss her but bro sends me pictures of them and it helps and work has almost totally killed my boob milk supply...ugh depressing.
 Work has been going pretty well. I do enjoy working in the back and training as a nurse. Blood draws from the jugular still terrify the living shit out of me but I am getting there. I got bit yesterday by a pug (asshole) but it wasnt really his fault. I asked a nurse for help and she took her sweet ass time and then since had already been poked at he was mad and bit me like 3 times. No marks thankful (at least physically...my ego is a bit damaged). But I needed to take a minute and walk away because I was gonna lose it. Nothing like wanting to strangle someone because they're incompetent. Working in the back you really have to trust and rely on the others back there. If a dog gets out or a dog is trying to eat your face it is important that you feel as if people have your back and will help you to prevent you from being eaten. I know what you might be thinking... "My little angel would never" Well I have news for you....Majority of the times I am being growled at, bit, peed on, shit on or scratched is your little shit dog...i mean angel.( No i mean shit dog).  But besides all that I really enjoy it and hope that I am at least doing well and that the ladies I work with are still happy that I am back there lol. (please dont regret your decision guys)
          In exactly 1 week it will be my 7th wedding anniversary to Jerry. Yes I still celebrate it because its special to me. Everyone knows and celebrates his birthday and the day he passed away but really only I know our wedding anniversary so for me this day is much more intimate for me. It is like my own little special grieving day. I dont know what I will be doing this year for it....I am pretty sure I am working and that will be kind of a good distraction at least for a little while. This time of year really sucks for me, which I am sure I have mentioned before. With Jerrys birthday and our anniversary it can be difficult for me to pretend to be normal I guess. We all have shit were dealing with and I do my best to let it not interfere with my work or school but it can be hard some days. Especially when it is a crazy work day and tempers are flaring and people are yelling and being unreasonable or acting like they are 2 years old because they cant get what they want.......(talking about yesterday) and then you get bit by a stupid pug. Ugh there are good days and bad lol
 But that is all for today. Time to go adult and clean and do laundry.